Wake up … there is no Brady Bunch! TV’s perfect stepfamily simply does not exist. And because most women are “half asleep” when they take on the role of stepmom, they experience a rude awakening, if not a recurring nightmare!
The Myths of Stepparenting

I love him, so I naturally will love his kids.
I enjoy young people, so adjusting to his children will be no problem.
Love is enough to get us through the rough spots.
The Cold, Hard Facts

You and your stepkids will not automatically like one another.
Conflict and problems are inevitable.
Even in the best circumstances, your role as a stepmom will try your patience and push all of your insecurity buttons.
Despite these realities, stepparenting can ultimately be a rewarding and pleasurable experience. Over time I have had the privilege of working with happy, successful stepmoms. I will now share with you the well-kept secrets of their success:

Secret No. 1: Prevention: A Stitch in Time …

Before you marry, discuss with your partner your respective views on parenting and discipline and your role as an adult (but not a parent) in his children’s lives. Also, clarify your expectations of marriage. By talking these issues through, you can avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary heartache.
Take stepparenting classes or join a support group. Better yet, seek premarital counseling. You may be a well-adjusted problem solver, but those skills alone will not prepare you for the challenges that lie ahead! Education and information will help you avoid certain predictable traps and will reassure you that you are reacting normally to very challenging circumstances.
Secret No. 2: Proceed With Caution

Understand that as the “outsider” it will take you time to fit comfortably into your new family — and that’s OK.
Recognize that your stepchildren are dealing with ambivalence and confusion about your new role in their lives — don’t make it personal.
Let your stepkids form a relationship with you at their pace. Avoid the urge to force them into “instant family” mode.
As the children are ready, spend time alone with them, doing things that interest them.
Encourage your partner and his kids to spend time together without you.

They need to nurture their long-standing connection. Additionally, you will seem less threatening to the kids as they see that you aren’t the wicked stepmom trying to separate them from Dad!

Reserve alone time for you and your partner. This will keep your relationship on firm footing, and better prepare you to deal with the challenges you inevitably will face.

Secret No. 3: Encourage Healthy Family Structure

Build a friendship with your stepchildren before trying to become a disciplinarian to them. As the friendship develops, slowly begin to share a limit-setting role with your partner.
Suggest regular “family meetings” for the purpose of establishing family rules, airing grievances and keeping the lines of communication open.
Encourage the development of new family traditions. These will help strengthen the new bonds and separate the present from the past.
And the Biggest Secret of All
Keep your sense of humor! Laughter is the best reminder to not take problems too seriously. A good chuckle coupled with the “three secrets” mentioned above will likely make an impossible task doable — and sometimes even enjoyable. Good luck as you embark on your stepparenting adventure!